Friday, October 8, 2010

Crack Down On Me NOW Baby

Yes, YES, YES.

Oh my goodness what an excellent idea. I do so hope we get this where I live soon. It will finally give me the opportunity to report all the people who I think shouldn't be on the road. I would urge you all get behind this initiative.

I wonder if this is one of Mr. Cameron's new wheezes, it does sound a bit Big Society or am I getting my societies mixed up with my brothers again.

Just to give you some idea of how great this will be here is a short list of the some of the types of people I will consider reporting on a daily basis.

Every Prius and Smart car.
Every police vehicle and tallyvan.
Every doddery old twat holding up the fast lane.
Every lorry with a "this vehicle is limited to 40 Mph on single carriageway" sign.
Every twat riding a horse on a road.
Every tractor, agricultural vehicle and JCB.
Every person who drives with their headlights on during the day.
Every vehicle with a foreign number plate.
Every vehicle containing someone who looks like they might be a member of the religion of peace and a backpack.
Every vehicle with the EU flag on its number plate, or anywhere else.
Every vehicle with GTI on the back*
Every vehicle with a "Dads Taxi", "Baby on Board" or other stupid sign or sticker.
Every woman driver who can't see over her steering wheel.
Every sad twat that drives like he is in the BMW he really wanted while he's actually driving the people-carrier his wife made him buy.
Every vehicle in which I can see a cuddly toy.
Every driver that won't let me out at a junction.
Every vehicle which I think needs a good wash.
Every vehicle which looks too clean.
Cars parked on the drives of houses bigger than mine.
Every driver I see wearing a hat in car.
Any lorry driver I see not wearing a shirt.
Any vehicle which I suspect may be connected in any way to the BBC.
Absolutely every caravaner and dormabile, moving or parked.
Anybody who looks at me funny.
And, of course my boss and that pillock from accounts who keeps querying my budget.
Anyone not on the above list.

Oh but revenge will be so sweet. Imagine the poor sap, standing there getting well and truly told off by an officer of the law. Unless of course he realises that the best course of action is to invite the officer to lay any charges and evidence before a court and then tell him to get the hell off your property.

They did say these were annonymous reports didn't they? What could possibly go wrong with such a brilliant idea?

* Did you know that the man who invented the term GTi was dyslexic?


  1. ""the best course of action is to invite the officer to lay any charges and evidence before a court and then tell him to get the hell off your property.""
    That has been my plan all along.
    I wasn't on your list - "Any car that has had it's wheel arches rebuilt with putty and a Kellogs box", until I read any car not on the list. Dammit.

  2. Bucko

    Stuff like this worries me. It could just be another really stupid idea or it could be conditioning, getting the sheeple used to spying on each other.

    Oh crap I'm starting to sound like Dale Gribble

    Time for a little drinky.

  3. It certainly is a stupid idea but it probably is about the conditioning. Just like the "Internet Eyes" blogged on Big Brother Watch, or the fingerprinting in schools.
    I am hoping that after a couple of years of this new governmnet, this shit wil stop.
    It seems to my like it's the local councils coming up with stuff like this, rather than central government.
    I am a wishful thinker.

    (Im sorry but I have to add, your verification word is "Cheds", the scurge of my primary school years :-)