Friday, September 17, 2010

My 100w Planet Killers

Hah. You won't catch me putting these dangerous things in my house.

I have a stockpile of 100 watt planet killers and I'm not afraid to use them.

Fortunately internet suppliers still have large stocks, get them now while the getting's good.

Lightbulbs of Mass Destruction

There's probably enough here to get me a life sentence for crimes against the planet

H/T Captain Ranty

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Gladiator 2 - Maximus does Nottingham

Robin Hood (2010) staring that bloke out of Romper Stomper.

Robin Hood, Robin Hood riding through the glen, er, no. No glens, no merry men, no archery tounement, no return of King Richard at the end and bugger all Sherwood Forest. Also medieval Nottingham seems to have had one hell of a binge drinking problem.

Marian, not so much maid as gobby, widowed hag who despite her slender build was capable of drawing an English warbow.

Russel Crowe is Maximus Decimus Meridius in medeval England with, what seemd to be, an Irish accent. A word to the wise Mr. Crowe, any more of this sort of nonsense and me and The Boy will make a film about what a bum boy EdmundHillary was, OK?

Robin certainly didn't live in Sherwood. Nope Sherwood was where the chavs from the sink estates of Nottingham gathered to play at being the "Lost Boys" from Peter Pan.

The fight scenes are OK but there aren't enough of them and Marion riding into the final battle at the head of the Lost Boy chavs was as silly as it was predictable. Mr. Strong does a Moriarty reprise as the really quite unpleasant Godfrey.

Look folks, I know Robin Hood is a legend but he's our legend. We've got a bloody airport named after him for crying out loud. He wasn't an Kiwi who couldn't do an English accent, he was the finest bowman in all England, courageous and true. Marion wasn't a widowed fish wife, she was a fair maid and ward of King Richard. Robin had a whole gang of merry men, they were honest outlaws, they lived in Sherwood, drank ale and sang. They were not four lager louts whoring it up down the boozer. So please just bugger off and stop rewriting our culture into politically correct crap. You bastards, yes that includes you Sir Ridley.

I would rate this film :- Give me Errol Flynn any day.

Edited coz I got Mr. Crowe's nationality wrong. H/T Adelaide Girl in the comments

Die Cocktailstunde

This evening I have mostly been drinking Pina Coladas

Pina Colada
2 measures White Rum
1 1/2 measures Coconut Cream
2 1/2 measures Pineapple Juice
1 teaspoon Whipping Cream
1/2 measure Caster Sugar

Add ingredients to shaker and swirl until sugar is dissolved. Test for sweetness. Shake briefly with half a glass of crushed ice.
Garnish with a slice of pineapple and a cheery, or not. Add straws.

Nutritional Information.
A healthy drink providing vitamins in the pineapple juice and coconut cream. Bone building calcium in the whipping cream also combines to make this a tasty drink with enough rum to help maintain a health promoting alcohol level within your body.

Trees, Flowers and Naked Women

Sorry folks there aren't really any naked ladies in this post.

Oh dear, I see that the ever tolerant lefties, atheists and gayers have got their panties in a bunch about that nice old nazi, Pope Ratzinger coming to the UK. Funny, but I don't recall these people making any fuss when some swivel eyed, loony from the ROP comes over here spouting anti women and anti-gay values, especially the Southall Black Sisters (not sure if this is a motown trio or some racist, anti-white gang) or The Richmond upon Thames LGBT Forum (their web site is awsome, I am tempted to join just for the bingo night) or the Gay & Lesbian Humanist Association. I hesitate to suggest that these people know that if they protest against the Pope they are in little physical danger but that they are too cowardly to protest against the peaceful ones.

So let's have a look at what the supporters of this mass outbreak of righteous indignation believe is wrong with Catholicism, surely this will tell us why they see fit to protest the Pope but not islam.

Members of the campaign agree the following view:

That the Pope, as a citizen of Europe and the leader of a religion with many adherents in the UK, is of course free to enter and tour our country.
Well that's very kind of you but I don’t think it is up to you who comes to this country.

However, as well as a religious leader, the Pope is a head of state and the state and organisation of which he is head has been responsible for:
  1. opposing the distribution of condoms and so increasing large families in poor countries and the spread of AIDS. But muslims aren't breeding like rabbits at all.
  2. promoting segregated education. Whereas the ROP merely believes women should not be educated at all.
  3. denying abortion to even the most vulnerable women. Couldn't find a definitive view on this. Suffice to say some women will be stoned for having abortions and some will be stoned for not having them, probably.
  4. opposing equal rights for lesbians, gay, bisexual and transgender people - under islam of course there is no question of rights, it's merely a matter of which method of stoning to use.
  5. failing to address the many cases of abuse of children within its own organisation. - Whereas the forced marriage of girls as young as 9 or ten to dirty old muslims is just fine.
  6. rehabilitating the holocaust denier bishop Richard Williamson and the appeaser of Hitler, the war-time Pope, Pius XII. Because of course there are no muslim holocaust deniers.
The state of which the Pope is the head has also resisted signing many major human rights treaties and has formed its own treaties (‘concordats’) with many states which negatively affect the human rights of citizens of those states. If some of the links above don't show you what the muslim approach to human rights is do some googling, I'm fed up putting links in this post.

As a head of state, the Pope is an unsuitable guest of the UK government and should not be accorded the honour and recognition of a state visit to our country. Er, no. As head of state he is the most appropriate person for the UK government to invite. Or do this lot think we should have invited his toilet cleaner instead?

So there you have it. The bigoted atheist, feminist and gay lobbies will protest the Pope because at the end of the day what's the worst that can happen? I dare say that if push comes to shove his venerable Josephness will forgive them and offer prayers for their souls. But don't expect these yellow belly protesters to do anything but hide when a muslim says gays should be stoned, or women are merely possessions.

Just so you know I am not catholic and I don't give a stuff whether the Pope visits the UK or not. I strongly disagree with most of what the catholic church says and does but each to his own.

As for my own religious leanings, some friends and I have our own religion. We worship trees and flowers and naked women, we don't usually bother with the trees and flowers though. We pray and sing and dance with the naked women, we usually give the songs and prayers a miss to be honest.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Viviane Reding is a stupid, unelected, sanctimonious, parasitical bitch

Warning biggoted opinion ahead

While I'm in the getting banned mood does anybody know the email address of the unelected, sanctimonious bitch in this vid. If you do please let me have it and I will send her an email in the hope that I am expelled from the EU for life.

She's from Luxemburg*, that's not even a proper country for Christ's sake. Have a look at her Wikipedia page here. All you need to read is the first paragraph. She's just another professional political parasite who has never had a proper job

It is very disingenuous of her to compare what the French are doing to the actions of the Germans in WWII. Come on dear, Sarky is the first French leader to stand up to invaders since god knows when, cut the little guy some slack. Let's hope the french short arse stands his ground. It could get interesting.

Just in case her or one of her thousands of minions stumbles upon this post I'd like to reiterate my message, just so there can be no misunderstanding of my opinion of this piece of eurotrash ; Vivianne you are a unelected, sanctimonious, parasitical bitch. I also suspect that earlier in your life you were a man. I hope you die screaming very soon.

* See it is such a pointless place I don't even know how to spell it properly.

Mr Barry Chicken Shit

Seventeen year old Luke Angel has been banned from the USA for life for sending an abusive email to Barry Obamalamadingdong. So did he threaten to jihad Barry's ass? Nope while it is alleged that the whole email was full of abusive and threatening language the only details in the report is that he called Barry a prick, fair comment surely.

Oh my, the full weight of the FBI brought down on the head of a teenager for sending a single abusive email. Haven't the FBI anything better to do, organising more false flag terror attacks or investigating X files or something. Do these humourless drones really believe this boozy teenager is a viable threat to their increasing unpopular president?

I doubt Barry ordered this himself but the fact that he did not step in to stop such a gross over-reaction tells us much about him. What sort of complete smeg-head do you have to be to punish anyone in this manner for voicing disapproval of your actions, colourful though the language might have been.

In response to this ridiculous over-reaction I aim the following remarks at Mr Obama personally not the office he currently occupies.

To use American parlance, Mr Obama, you sir are a chicken-shit and Luke was correct you are a prick too.

Will this get me banned from the US. If it does, who cares, in a couple of years Barry will be gone and I'll write a nice letter to President Palin asking to be unbanned.

It's not like I want to burn it

Good afternoon dear reader, I need your advice.

Some time ago I obtained a copy of the Koran audio book in MP3 format. I usually play my audio books on my Blackberry, it's very handy for this and you don't need to use headphones.

I have now listened to as much of the koran as I wish to and need to make space on my Blackberry for my next book, Salman Rushdie's Satanic Vurses. What is worrying me is what Will happen if I just delete the audio koran and some swivel-eyed, beardy, peaceful person finds out what I have done.

Will there be riots in Northern Crapystan? will I be burnt in effigy across the peaceful islamic world? Will Obameses denounce me? Will I be Fatwa'd?

All advice gratefully received.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

The Cocktail Hour

As part of my personal drive to promote responsible drinking I will from time to time let you know of interesting drinks which I have tried. Hopefully you will find this useful and perhaps try some of these drinks.

Remember is important that you consume sufficient alcohol to keep you body and mind in tip-top condition and promote good health.

So :-

This evening I have mostly been drinking Zulus

1 measure Dark Rum
1 measure dark Creme de Cacoa
1/2 measure Creme de Banane
1 measure Lime Juice
1 teaspoon Grenadine
1 teaspoon Pernod
4 measures Cola

Shake all ingredients except cola, strain into an ice filled glass add the cola.
Garnish with a slice of lime and a cherry, or not.

Nutritional Information
The Zulu is a very healthy cocktail. It contains vitamin c in the lime juice, grenadine is made from pomegranate which is a superfood, probably and banana. It's practily as healthy as a fruit salad.

This Zulu should not be confused with the Zulu Warrior cocktail which is a drink for girls and possibly friends of William.

Updated coz I forgot the nutritional information.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Asbestos Kilt Anyone

Having bottled out of upsetting the peaceful ones (temporarily at least), Christianist Rev. Terry Jones is now having a pop at a the Buckfast drinkers, it seems.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

I thought a mobile hack was a reporter with a car until I discovered Smirnoff.

Thank goodness for that. It looks like we will get the much needed enquiry into the hacking of MPs mobiles.

We need an enquiry into this so much more than we need proper enquiries into the legality of the Iraq war or what actually happened to Dr. Kelly or Ian Tomlinson, or electoral fraud.

I think we owe the BBC and MSM a big vote of thanks for keeping this non-story live long enough for some of our more sensible MPs to get approval for a full enquiry.

He's Not a Koran Burner, He's a Very Naughty Boy.

In what has been described variously as a progressive show of support for islam and an act of complete dhimitude all major TV broadcast networks are removing Monty Pythons Flying Circus from their schedules.

Speaking at a joint press conference, Arthur Pewty, Luigi Vercotti and Dindsale Piranha the heads of news media at ABC, CBS and NBC said. "Monty Python has always been popular with large numbers our viewers. Unfortunately one of the Monty Python team has seen fit to enflame muslim sensability by organising Internation Burn the Koran Day. In light of this and in preference to our wonderful muslim viewers all Monty Python programs and films have been removed permanently from our schedules."

Former mother of Brian and Koran burner

I was a bit late to this so someone else has probably done it already, but wattcha gonna do?

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Deniers Killed my Kitten

I read this drivel by Louise Gray on the Telegraph website and had to respond

Climate change could kill your pet, warns the RSPCA

Climate change could kill pets, according to the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (RSPCA), as warmer temperatures cause an increase in exotic diseases among cats and dogs.

In the first conference to be called on pets and climate change, scientists warned that the small heartworm, that kills dogs, cats and foxes, is already on the rise in the UK with more cases appearing in the north of the country and Scotland because of warmer wetter summers.

The first conference on pets and climate change, check the date, it's not 1st April so WTF? What's next a conference on the effects of climate change on bath mats? Well we had a hot dry spring followed by a cool wet summer this year so I can only presume that the problem ain't so urgent any more.

Furthermore because of the increased numbers of pets coming into the country from abroad without quarantine, there is a greater threat of exotic diseases that can become established in warmer temperatures and may even pose a threat to humans.

If I remember correctly the RSPCA was all in favour of removing quarantine legislation and replacing it with pet Passports. The truth about the rise in any "tropical" diseases is far more likely to to be caused by the lack of quarantine on animals coming to the UK from abroad.

The RSPCA are so worried about the affect of climate change on cats and dogs, the charity is calling on pet-owners to take preventive measures against exotic diseases especially when travelling abroad.

In other words, the RSPCA is very worried that it isn't making enough money from climate alarmism and has decided to try and get one more big bite of the cherry before the whole scam unravels. I am sure we will see the RSPCA produce a range of preventative measure priced to sell, any time now.

In the second RSPCA annual conference in London a number of experts came together to discuss the issue.

Well they do like a good conference, they are paid for by the gullible donors and conferencing is much preferred to working by the fake charity sector.

Susan Shaw, from the University of Bristol, said small heartworm, a parasitic disease spread by insects that can kill dogs, cats and foxes, is already on the increase. She blamed the warmer wetter summers that means there are more slugs and snails around which spreads the disease if the dogs eat them.

Don't know much about Susan Shaw, from her publications list on the Bristol Uni web site she seems to have an unnatural fascination with cat flees and the importation of exotic animal to Ireland. To be frank if she really believes that the incidence of small heartworm is due to warmer wetter summers she has obviously failed to notice that summers aren't getting warmer or wetter. Didn't the warmists claim that the UK would be riddled with malaria by now if we didn't all stop driving cars?

"Climate change is a concern with these diseases because of its transmission on intermediate hosts like slugs and snails. [Heartworm] has already spread in the UK and we are concerned it will spread further," she said.

Heart worm has spread, must be global warming mustn't it. It couldn't be that there are more cats and dogs which would naturally result in greater numbers of animals with heartworm. Research done by Susan's own employers the Veterinarian Department at University of Bristol in Feb 2010 published a statement in which it states that there are more cats and dogs in the country than previously believed. Prior to the Bristol survey there had been no study on the numbers for 20 years. Remember unbridled immigration has added 10 million to the population in the last 13 years, more people more pets, do you see?.

Professor Sandy Trees, (oh come on, your just making these names up now, ed) a specialist in Veterinary Parasitology at the University of Liverpool, said exotic diseases could become established in the UK as temperatures increase. He said the number of animals coming into the country has risen from around 5,000 every year to around 100,000 every year since 2000, when the Pet Travel Scheme lifted the need for pets from the EU, US, Canada, Australia and other countries to be quarantined.

He said large heartworm, a malaria-like parasite known as babesiosis and another insect-borne disease leishmaniosis – all of which can prove fatal to cats and dogs – have already been spotted in the UK.

And there we have it, the number of animals entering the country from abroad, probably without quarantine, has gone from 5,000 to 100,000 per year and you attribute the increase in animal diseases to global warming. "Exotic diseases could become established in the UK as temperatures increase", except temperatures aren't increasing are they Sandy?

Professor Trees is of course the Senior Vice President of the Royal College of Veterinary Surgeons. Not that I am saying dear Sandy is up to anything dodgy here. And I am sure that having large numbers of RSPCA supporting pet owners queueing up at vets doors for heartworm prevention treatment is the furthest thing from his mind.

Prof Trees also said species of tapeworm, that can prove fatal to humans, could be brought into the country if restrictions are lifted further and temperatures are warm enough.

But as temperaures aren't increasing we can ignore this, can't we?

"Just as human travel may expose us to new disease threats, so increasingly free pet animal movement threatens pet health. Compounded in the longer term by climate change, these two phenomena of globalisation and global warming may see new and serious dog diseases becoming established in the UK," he said.

Delete the second sentence from that paragraph and I believe we have the truth.

The RSPCA is calling for more research into heartworm and exotic diseases. The charity called on pet owners to prevent spread by using collars to stop ticks and fleas and consulting vets as soon as infections are spotted.

Oh I just bet they are calling for more research and more government funding no doubt.

If this is the best the warmists can come up with then the battle is almost over.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Beware of Woopsies Behind the Wheel

Inspector Rachel Prejudice of the South Yorkshire police is suing the force for sexual harassment over the planned installation of parking sensors in the forces vehicles. Interviewed for the Police Review magazine she said

"This is male chauvinism gone mad. Although the force has not said as much in any of its communications on this matter it is well known within the force that the vast majority of parking mishaps occur when WPCs are trying to park vehicles. We women law enforcers will not put up with rampant sexism like this. If it was mainly male officers doing this they would get extra training. It seems the force doesn't think it's worthwhile to give women officers the same training. This is sexism"

Asked whether she thought the sensors would reduce the number of police cars damaged during parking she replied

"Absolutely not, how are you supposed to hear the beeping when you have your iPod headphones in and that damned police radio squawking at you every few minute. I have parked vehicles in some of our forces station yards and it is a nightmare. Reversing a normal sized police car into a normal size space is very difficult, especially when you are using the mirror to check your makeup and trying to give a passing studly, DC a glance down your cleavage."

When asked what alternatives she would offer to the parking sensors she responded

"Smaller police cars and bigger parking spaces. I think those lovely little Fiat 500s would look really cool in police livery, especially if we got some soft-top ones for cruising the beat in summer. Cars that park themselves would be a good idea too."

Inspector Prejudice, who heads up the Travellers Liaison Squad of South Yourshitre Police has been on sick leave with stress since June 2009 following an incident in which a leader of the travelkling community told her that her arse looked big in her uniform trousers.

Commenting on the impending law suit Asst Chief Constable Dave Girlyman said

"I would like to apologise to Inspector Prejudice and all female officers for the forces high handed sexist actions in this matter. These were not of our choosing but were forced on us by the the coalition government. I would add that we have begun a feasibility studie into buying self parking Fiat 500s for the force."

OOPS - In Notts it looks like it isn't only the woopsies (WPCs) who can't drive.

More chins than a ......

While I'm moaning about the BBC

I accidentally heard part of WIMMINNZ Hour on radio 4 last Friday. Jenny Murray, the Cyril Smith of the WIMMINNZ movement, and 2 Scots bansturbaters were having a love in about obesity, smoking and alcoholism in Scotland.

They didn't fully explain how a minimum price for alcohol would solve the obesity problem but who cares about facts when there's a bandwagon to hang on to.

The really funny bit was Jenny "fat as butter" Murray moaning on about "The Obesity Epidemic".

Jenny Murray, a hypocritical, obese, publicly funded, hag.

Is James in Every Warmist?

A relatively sane warmist did the world a favour last week by getting himself shot to death by the police (Using bullets made from sustainable materials I hope).

James J. Lee entered the Discovery TV building with a handgun and a "bomb". He was protesting that Discovery were not broadcasting enough global warmist alarmism. The warmists demands clearly show that he was greatly influenced in his warmist beliefs by the venerable Al Gore and his mocumentary "an inconvenient truth".

The BBCs completely unbiased report on the incident is hidden away in the USA/Canada pages and doesn't mention Al Gore or even global warming. It's a good job all that BBC bias is behind them, eh?

I suspect there is a James J. Lee inside every warmist who isn't making money from the AGW scam. Expect more as the AGW nonsense finally unravels.

Updated coz I forgot the links.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Chief not very Super

Is it a Jaqui Smith clone, is it the result of a mating between Hattie Jacques and a village idiot? Nope this thing is a Chief Superintendent of Police, apparently.

Ye gods, we are truly screwed.

Psychotic Picts


Impossibly beautiful warrior maidens, psychotic Picts, caring, compassionate Romans all combine to make this film a big pile of politically correct crap. The Picts loose, of course, what else would you expect to happen any tribe which refuses to be ruled by a bunch of overprivileged gits in a far away city over the sea. Hmmm, is this a metaphor I see before me?

This would not normally bother me but this film was made with money from the UK Film Council and the National lottery.

So the bastards at the Lottery refused funding for our new village cricket pavilion because there are no ethnics on the team and spent it on this this crap instead. There are fewer than a dozen non-whites in the village and non of them play cricket.

What a shame the UK Film Council is being shut down.

I would rate this film - Utter Shite, avoid at all cost.