Thursday, June 24, 2010

Pass the Mind Bleach

Westminster was abuzz yesterday following the news that Dianne Abbot is to withdraw from the labour leadership contest following speculation about the circumstances which lead to the recent announcement of her current pregnancy.

Questioned about the incident Ms. Abbott stated "We are living in the 21st century. Women have the right to take the initiative when it comes to getting themselves pregnant. If David couldn’t see what was going on that’s hardly my fault. It’s not like we did it in the street and we aren’t the first couple to have sex in that broom closet.”

She went on - "I felt that it was important for me to be pregnant during the leadership campaign in order that I could better empathise with other pregnant members of the party in the lead up to the vote. This was not just some cheap publicity stunt like Cameron’s during the general election."

Former Home Secretary, with previous for diddling where he shouldn't, David Blunkett remains somewhat tight lipped about the affair. In his only statement on the matter to date he said "Look, I was having a quiet drink in the commons bar when a woman sat down next to me and started whispering suggestively in my ear. I thought it was the lovely Baroness Ashton. If I had realised it was that ugly blob Abbott I would have run a mile. She told me she was taking me for a walk on the terrace, the next thing I know I have a face full of wet mop and strange hands inside my trousers. She trapped me. The fact that it was Abbott not the Baroness does explain why the whole thing left me feeling like a bloke who had just driven a Mini through the Mersey Tunnel."

He refused to comment on what role he might take in the child's upbringing.

Senior members of the labour party are keeping quiet about the incident with one or two notable exceptions. Harriet Harmman said "I sympathise completely with Diane over her terrible ordeal. That Blunkett always had an eye for the ladies. I have long suspected he was a closet rapist." She went on "Had Mr. Blunkett made a white man pregnant there would not have been this fuss."

Baroness Ashton has admitted to being flattered by Mr. Blunkett's words she said "It takes a man of David's vision to see my true worth."

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