Crime might just pay

Following his appointment as Justice Minister Kenneth Clarke has announced his new approach to sentencing in the UK.

To cut costs murderers, rapists, arsonists, burglars, thieves and perpetrators of serious crimes will no longer be jailed. Instead Kenny boy is proposing a 3 step punishment regime.

1. They will be seriously told off by the judge/magistrate.
2.They must sit on the naughty step for an hour and think hard about what they have done.
3. They must then promise only to do nice things and have nice thoughts in future.

Mr Clarke has reserved the right of the Justice Minister to order a particularly serious offender to receive a big smacked bottom. It is anticipated that this will be a rarely used sanction.

The crimes of murder, rape, arson, terrorism, burglary, theft etc will be removed form the statute book and replaced with the single "catch all" crime of Being Naughty

Meanwhile to keep the books balanced victims of crime will be billed for the cost of investigating the crime committed against them. Refusal or inability to pay will result in a prison sentence. Speeding and neglecting to call a police officer sir will be the only crimes for which imprisonment remains a possibility.

The Prime Minister has described the changes to the justice system as bold and progressive.

I'm not sure why the Cleggerons didn't just leave Jack Straw in the job.