Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Peking Phooey

I confess to seeing a deal of irony in the Cameron slime lecturing Chairman Hu Flung Dung on how China should stop being so Chinese and become more like the UK. Surely the Chinese are too sensible to take any notice of this shiny fool.

It would appear that I was a little to fast to judge. Mr. Dung it seems has not dismissed the slimes advice for the waffle it is.

Via my contact deep inside the Chinese party machine I have a copy of a memo from Mr. Dung to senior party members. I reproduce it below for the edification of the dear reader.

To: Senior Party Members (Eyes Only)

From: Hu Flung Dung

Following the recent visit of the round eye Cameron I am minded to take some of his advice. I instruct you all to consider how your departments can facilitate the proposals on the list below. Reply to me with your departmental proposals by next Wednesday.

1. Replace all this hammer, sickle and star symbolism with something friendly, green and vacuous.

2. Increase tax and regulation on profitable businesses so it becomes more economical for them to move to eastern europe.

3. Make joblessness a lifestyle choice and increase taxes on those who insist on working so the jobless can have a better lifestyle than many working fools.

4. Send all managers from our state broadcaster to the BBC for training in broadcast impartiality.

5. Stop building coal fired power stations and build olde tyme windmills instead.

6. Hand over all significant government power to foreign countries (Japan/Taiwan/Russia perhaps) and then give them huge amounts of our money with which they can make our people's lives a misery.

7. Senior police officers to be enrolled in the new ACPO sponsored Mark Andrews School of Policing. I don't want any comments about how our police are too violent already. Believe me our worst have nothing on this Andrews character.

8. Implement mass immigration from Pakistan, Indonesia, Iran, Iraq, Yemen etc. Then allow the immigrants to decide how our indigenous people are allowed to behave. Note to Department of Transportation - We will need to widen the door on all buses and trains to accommodate travellers with backpacks.

9. Implement tuition fees for higher education to such an extent that the majority of students who could achieve great things for the country with a good education behind them can no longer afford to go to university. This will also free up money to send as foreign aid to India and the like. I understand India needs the money to gold plate its space rockets and provide hover cars for it's senior politicians.

10. Abandon communism and implement a democratic two party system where the parties have different names and members but have identical policies and equal contempt for the populace. Note to Dept of Interior, we may need to bring in postal voting so the immigrants mentioned in point 8 above can engage in the election rigging they are so fond of.

Finally, in future please refrain from addressing me as Mr Chairman, or Honourable Leader. From now on just call me Hu.

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