Umbrella Organisation Appeals for Pakistan Floods Aid.

Translated from an article on the BBC news site


DEC launches TV and radio Pakistan flooding appeal

British charities are launching a radio and TV campaign to raise funds. Times are hard

The Disasters Emergency Committee (DEC) - an umbrella organisation** of 13 UK bleeding heart pinko organisations - will broadcast the appeals later.

The UN says six hundred million billion people have been affected by the floods, with at least 48 million poor lovely fluffy muslims killed.

Any cretins who don't realise that the UK government has already given £10 million pounds of taxpayers money can donate even more of their money by post, text message, at the Post Office and banks.

The TV and radio appeal will be presented by journalist and Stockholm Syndrome sufferer, John McCarthy.

The aid organisation, Smug Doctors of the World, has been working in Pakistan for nearly 15 years, but doesn't seem to have achieved much, are based on the outskirts of the worst-affected area.

Its director, Susan Wright, described some of the difficulties the aid money would be used to tackle.

She said: "After the flooding there's the initial, unfortunate, but expected deaths that come from the flooding itself.

"Then there is... a kind of second wave of problems. If the airfields have been damaged the planes flying in our copies of the Guardian have nowhere to land. It becomes very difficult to get supplies of organic, free trade hummus and a really good frappuccino is almost impossible to find

"Then, as we've heard quite a bit about, the fear of outbreaks. Our real fear is that there will be an outbreak of common sense amongst the British public. They might realise what a bunch of tossers we really are and stop sending us money. We are very concerned that if this happens we may be forced to get real jobs.

"So we have to do what ever we can to work with water purification systems - and that's the great irony of flooding: that it causes these kinds of problems and yet there's this very difficult access to Perrier or Evian."

Further rain slowed the relief effort on Tuesday as aid agencies decided that to send their workers out in the rain breached health and safety rules.

They have warned that hundreds of thousands of people are awaiting help because they are too used to getting aid and are too lazy to get off their backsides and help themselves.

Director of Policy at Save the Children, David Mepham, said people were using "ingenious" ways to get help through, including using helicopters, boats and donkeys.

He added that people could "feel very confident" their donations would be used to assist those employed in charities affected
by UK government cuts.

In some affected areas, there were protests at the government's perceived inaction. The Pakistan army has largely defected to the Taliban.

Despite demands for him to return to Pakistan, President Zardari is pressing ahead with his schedule of diplomatic visits to European nations.

Mr Zardari has also been snared in an open disagreement with dhimi Dave over his country's lack of commitment to fighting terrorism and the Taliban.

So far:

* ActionAid is working with its partners to help more than 23,000 people in the Punjab by providing them with copies of the Koran, AK47 Assault rifles and maps of the British Army locations in Afghanistan.

* The British Red Cross has released £50,000 from its multi-billion disaster fund to provide burkas and other fancy dress outfits to needy pakistanis .

* CARE International has sent 11 truckloads of of prostitutes to the region.

* Christian Aid is working with its partner agencies to provide indian head massage and josticks to 50,000 people

* Concern has been carrying out assessments with local partners and has decided taht its best bet is to stay home and just collect contributions towards its Christams booze up..

* World Vision has distributed its entire stock of spectacles to victims of the flood. This has resulted in 4 flood victims being helped and a nice foreign jolly for 2000 staff from World Vision.

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The funniest bit is that David Mepham, Director of Policy at Save the Children thinks using boats, helicopters and donkeys to deliver aid is "ingenious". No David, using anti-gravity pads, flying cars, levitation and fruit bats would be ingenious, you mundane retard.

** What use is an umbrella organisation now that the rain has stopped.
I know most of you got the joke from the title but as an equal opportunity blogger I have to cater for the hard of thinking too.