Thursday, March 4, 2010

A plague, or ten, on your houses

I saw a rather interesting long range weather forecast over on the Met Office climate panic website. Thought you might be interested so I reproduce it in full below.

Long Range Forecast for the UK - Summer 2010

And it shall come to pass that in the land of the northern tribes the great warming will devastate all mankind and the beasts of the field alike.

Verily, as the satanic dioxide increases so shall increase the viscosity of the very water until it turns deepest blood red and all the fishes in the water shall perish and the creatures of the air and land that eat of them.

There shall follow a great storm the like of which has ne'er been seen upon the face of the earth and the young of the amphibians shall be lifted aloft in great winds and shall fall as a hellish rain upon thy lands.

Truly, as the lands become hotter the dominion of the insects shall increase until they become a great multitude and the torment of the lice shall be visited upon the people of the land and all shall suffer the unscratchable itch.

Thy livestock and beasts of the field shall fall ill with the diseases of the body as thy climate becomes as hot as the very fires of the demonic furnace.

Thy shall be afflicted by boils. Boils of such overwhelming size and nastiness that thou shall be driven to the very edge of thy sanity as thy body oozes and thy writhe in thy pain.

The skies shall darken and the clouds shall pour forth hail and fire in equal measure scaring the very pants off thee and thine.

Yay verily, thy crops will be withered from the dread warming and the locusts shall spread over the face of the earth and devour all that is left of thy crops until thy fields and barns are baron and empty.

As thy vehicles of evil and thy incandescent light bulbs of doom belch the devil's dioxide into the skies of thy land so the skies shall darken until the glory of the sun is seen no more upon the face of the land.

Finally the angel of death shall descend from the firmament and take thy first born child from thee and bring them unto Death. None shall be spared save those who honor Saint Al of Gore for they shall display his Inconvenient Truth upon their very doorpost.*

Forecast Ends.

* Sticking a copy of the hockey stick graph on your door will not be sufficient to protect your first born.

So there you have it, another barebeque summer? You have been warned.

No comments:

Post a Comment