Rumours have been rife at the Department of Energy and Climate Scammery recently that Chris Huhne was about to announce details of a major new recruitment to the Department. It was well known that Mr. Huhne had been looking for an industry "big name" to head up the Windmill Development wing of his department but as no announcement has been forthcoming it is assumed that Mr. Huhne failed to get his chosen candidate on board.
Via one of my many contacts within the Cleggeron Collective I have discovered that the elusive "big name" was in fact Windy Miller, well known mill operator and cider drinker, currently running Colly's Mill in Camberwick Green. Your correspondent approached Mr Miller this morning regarding his aborted recruitment to government.
Asked why he had turned down Mr Huhne's offer Mr Miller replied "Your 'avin' a larf moi lovely. A down to earth bloke like me workin' for a bloody fantasist like Huhne, that'll be the day"
When asked how he could refuse his country's call in its hour of need he responded "Look the last thing the country needs is more bloody windmills. It's only them trendy pillocks in that London and them inbred idiots in Norfolk what thinks windmills is good for anything these days. What you need for electric is power stations, any fool knows that. If windmills was good for electric why'd they invent power stations then?"
He went on "Sides which if'n I went to work for that Huhne I'd never here the end of it from those bastards over at Trumpton fire station. He'm shoulda asked one of them, they'da gone for it in a shot, silly buggers. Pugh, Pugh, Barny McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grub, firemen my arse. They'm just a bunch of poofs what like dressin, up and poncin' about the place."
When contacted by your correspondent Captain Flack of Trumpton Fire Brigade stated that he had not been contacted by Mr Huhne but said Lord Mandelson had been in touch to arrange a hose handling demonstration.