Thanks to my mole within the BBC I have an advanced copy of the contents an internal BBC email to be sent by Mark Thompson to all BBC staff. Enjoy......
Good morning troops.
I know we are all very disappointed this morning. We did our best to get Gordon re-elected but the public was just too blind to see past his many failings and perceive the promise he held for the future. Even our last best hope, Nick failed to pull in enough votes from the ignorant plebs. Why won't these people just think and do what we tell them?
While we are all crushed by the ridiculous election result we must remember we all have jobs to do. It is only 5 years, at the most, till the next election so we need to start getting the public's "mind right" so we can be sure of a Labour victory next time.
I know last nights result will have affected everyone within the organisation and that some of us will feel the pain more deeply than others. I have had a series of meetings with the HR Director and agreed that for the next 2 months Post Election Depression will be accepted as a legitimate excuse for taking sick leave (paid naturally). I have also arranged for councilors to be available to anyone who feels that they need professional help to get over their disappointment. To reduce our sense of loss to acceptable levels I have arranged for each team within the corporation to have 2 weeks team building in Hawaii. I have also had everyone's cocaine and rent boy allowance increased by 100% for the next 3 months.
While most of you will currently be feeling that there is no point in carrying on I would remind you that there is still some hope. We have global warming, glorification of islam, multiculturalism and our pro gender bender agenda to keep us going.
So come on everyone, take the time you need to mourn then come back, when you are ready, and we can work together to get the only political party worth the name back into power.
Long live Labour