Harman Grabs Cock

Minister for women, and a woman’s right to crash while talking on a mobile, Harriet Harman, has announced the latest government initiative to improve equality for women. The Penis Re-allocation Bill was hailed by Miss Harman as a huge step forward for the rights of women.

Speaking of her enthusiasm for the “soon to be” law Miss Harman said “From time immemorial men have been in control of penises. This has been fundamentally unfair to women. Why should one woman receive 10 to 12 inches of erection during sex whilst others have to make do with receiving 3 or 4 inches? It is a woman's right to receive equality of satisfaction”

Under the new legislation the standard size of the British penis will be set at 5.5 inches and all men will be required to have a penis which is within .125 inches of the standard. This will obviously necessitate the enlarging of some penises and a reduction in the size of others. Questioned on the practicalities of this Harman replied “A snip here a chop there a few stitches and hey presto a more equal world for women.”

There has been speculation in the press regarding the new standard penis size. The current average in the UK is a little over 6 inches. Questions have been asked as to the disparity between the current average and the new standard. Miss Harman informed the Commons last week that setting the new standard below the current average would leave enough penile scraps to allow any woman who wanted a penis of her very own to have one. She added that a late amendment to the bill will grant every woman in the UK the right to have their own penis.

When questioned on how this would be funded Miss Harman explained “It was mens choice to maintain control of the world supply of penises in a deliberate attempt to discriminate against women. So it is only fair that men pay for the surgery out of their own pockets.”

She went on to explain that her department had carried out extensive negotiations with health care companies to obtain the best possible deal for the tax payer and that as a result the contract to perform the necessary re-allocation of penile inches had been awarded to Dromey Veterinary Services.

A recent poll on the new law, carried out on behalf of the BBC by the CRU at the UEA showed that this was the most popular piece of legislation ever to hit the statute book. Some selfish mens groups have seen fit to speak out against the legislation. Fathers for Justice members have vowed to boycott the new law (or at least the ones with more than the standard number of inches have) saying “We will not tolerate such Orwellian excesses from a government run by an unelected one eyed git.” He then detailed the organizations plans to demonstrate against the law by scaling tall buildings and displaying their non standard todgers to all and sundry. The spokesman refused to drawn on the question of whether the group would be changing its name to Flashers for Justice.

During an earlier press conference Miss Harman was asked how the new law would affect her husband. She responded that she had never seen her husbands penis and wasn’t really sure he had one.

MPs are expected to be the largest per capita recipients of extra inches and will be able to claim the cost of surgery on their expenses.