My 100w Planet Killers

Hah. You won't catch me putting these dangerous things in my house.

I have a stockpile of 100 watt planet killers and I'm not afraid to use them.

Fortunately internet suppliers still have large stocks, get them now while the getting's good.

Lightbulbs of Mass Destruction



There's probably enough here to get me a life sentence for crimes against the planet

H/T Captain Ranty

Gladiator 2 - Maximus does Nottingham

Robin Hood (2010) staring that bloke out of Romper Stomper.

Robin Hood, Robin Hood riding through the glen, er, no. No glens, no merry men, no archery tounement, no return of King Richard at the end and bugger all Sherwood Forest. Also medieval Nottingham seems to have had one hell of a binge drinking problem.

Marian, not so much maid as gobby, widowed hag who despite her slender build was capable of drawing an English warbow.

Russel Crowe is Maximus Decimus Meridius in medeval England with, what seemd to be, an Irish accent. A word to the wise Mr. Crowe, any more of this sort of nonsense and me and The Boy will make a film about what a bum boy EdmundHillary was, OK?

Robin certainly didn't live in Sherwood. Nope Sherwood was where the chavs from the sink estates of Nottingham gathered to play at being the "Lost Boys" from Peter Pan.

The fight scenes are OK but there aren't enough of them and Marion riding into the final battle at the head of the Lost Boy chavs was as silly as it was predictable. Mr. Strong does a Moriarty reprise as the really quite unpleasant Godfrey.

Look folks, I know Robin Hood is a legend but he's our legend. We've got a bloody airport named after him for crying out loud. He wasn't an Kiwi who couldn't do an English accent, he was the finest bowman in all England, courageous and true. Marion wasn't a widowed fish wife, she was a fair maid and ward of King Richard. Robin had a whole gang of merry men, they were honest outlaws, they lived in Sherwood, drank ale and sang. They were not four lager louts whoring it up down the boozer. So please just bugger off and stop rewriting our culture into politically correct crap. You bastards, yes that includes you Sir Ridley.

I would rate this film :- Give me Errol Flynn any day.

Edited coz I got Mr. Crowe's nationality wrong. H/T Adelaide Girl in the comments

Die Cocktailstunde

This evening I have mostly been drinking Pina Coladas

Pina Colada
2 measures White Rum
1 1/2 measures Coconut Cream
2 1/2 measures Pineapple Juice
1 teaspoon Whipping Cream
1/2 measure Caster Sugar

Add ingredients to shaker and swirl until sugar is dissolved. Test for sweetness. Shake briefly with half a glass of crushed ice.
Garnish with a slice of pineapple and a cheery, or not. Add straws.

Nutritional Information.
A healthy drink providing vitamins in the pineapple juice and coconut cream. Bone building calcium in the whipping cream also combines to make this a tasty drink with enough rum to help maintain a health promoting alcohol level within your body.

Trees, Flowers and Naked Women

Sorry folks there aren't really any naked ladies in this post.

Oh dear, I see that the ever tolerant lefties, atheists and gayers have got their panties in a bunch about that nice old nazi, Pope Ratzinger coming to the UK. Funny, but I don't recall these people making any fuss when some swivel eyed, loony from the ROP comes over here spouting anti women and anti-gay values, especially the Southall Black Sisters (not sure if this is a motown trio or some racist, anti-white gang) or The Richmond upon Thames LGBT Forum (their web site is awsome, I am tempted to join just for the bingo night) or the Gay & Lesbian Humanist Association. I hesitate to suggest that these people know that if they protest against the Pope they are in little physical danger but that they are too cowardly to protest against the peaceful ones.

So let's have a look at what the supporters of this mass outbreak of righteous indignation believe is wrong with Catholicism, surely this will tell us why they see fit to protest the Pope but not islam.

Members of the campaign agree the following view:

That the Pope, as a citizen of Europe and the leader of a religion with many adherents in the UK, is of course free to enter and tour our country.
Well that's very kind of you but I don’t think it is up to you who comes to this country.

However, as well as a religious leader, the Pope is a head of state and the state and organisation of which he is head has been responsible for:

1. opposing the distribution of condoms and so increasing large families in poor countries and the spread of AIDS. But muslims aren't breeding like rabbits at all.
2. promoting segregated education. Whereas the ROP merely believes women should not be educated at all.
3. denying abortion to even the most vulnerable women. Couldn't find a definitive view on this. Suffice to say some women will be stoned for having abortions and some will be stoned for not having them, probably.
4. opposing equal rights for lesbians, gay, bisexual and transgender people - under islam of course there is no question of rights, it's merely a matter of which method of stoning to use.
5. failing to address the many cases of abuse of children within its own organisation. - Whereas the forced marriage of girls as young as 9 or ten to dirty old muslims is just fine.
6. rehabilitating the holocaust denier bishop Richard Williamson and the appeaser of Hitler, the war-time Pope, Pius XII. Because of course there are no muslim holocaust deniers.

The state of which the Pope is the head has also resisted signing many major human rights treaties and has formed its own treaties (‘concordats’) with many states which negatively affect the human rights of citizens of those states. If some of the links above don't show you what the muslim approach to human rights is do some googling, I'm fed up putting links in this post.

As a head of state, the Pope is an unsuitable guest of the UK government and should not be accorded the honour and recognition of a state visit to our country. Er, no. As head of state he is the most appropriate person for the UK government to invite. Or do this lot think we should have invited his toilet cleaner instead?

So there you have it. The bigoted atheist, feminist and gay lobbies will protest the Pope because at the end of the day what's the worst that can happen? I dare say that if push comes to shove his venerable Josephness will forgive them and offer prayers for their souls. But don't expect these yellow belly protesters to do anything but hide when a muslim says gays should be stoned, or women are merely possessions.

Just so you know I am not catholic and I don't give a stuff whether the Pope visits the UK or not. I strongly disagree with most of what the catholic church says and does but each to his own.

As for my own religious leanings, some friends and I have our own religion. We worship trees and flowers and naked women, we don't usually bother with the trees and flowers though. We pray and sing and dance with the naked women, we usually give the songs and prayers a miss to be honest.

Viviane Reding is a stupid, unelected, sanctimonious, parasitical bitch

Warning biggoted opinion ahead

While I'm in the getting banned mood does anybody know the email address of the unelected, sanctimonious bitch in this vid. If you do please let me have it and I will send her an email in the hope that I am expelled from the EU for life.

She's from Luxemburg*, that's not even a proper country for Christ's sake. Have a look at her Wikipedia page here. All you need to read is the first paragraph. She's just another professional political parasite who has never had a proper job

It is very disingenuous of her to compare what the French are doing to the actions of the Germans in WWII. Come on dear, Sarky is the first French leader to stand up to invaders since god knows when, cut the little guy some slack. Let's hope the french short arse stands his ground. It could get interesting.

Just in case her or one of her thousands of minions stumbles upon this post I'd like to reiterate my message, just so there can be no misunderstanding of my opinion of this piece of eurotrash ; Vivianne you are a unelected, sanctimonious, parasitical bitch. I also suspect that earlier in your life you were a man. I hope you die screaming very soon.

* See it is such a pointless place I don't even know how to spell it properly.

Mr Barry Chicken Shit

Seventeen year old Luke Angel has been banned from the USA for life for sending an abusive email to Barry Obamalamadingdong. So did he threaten to jihad Barry's ass? Nope while it is alleged that the whole email was full of abusive and threatening language the only details in the report is that he called Barry a prick, fair comment surely.

Oh my, the full weight of the FBI brought down on the head of a teenager for sending a single abusive email. Haven't the FBI anything better to do, organising more false flag terror attacks or investigating X files or something. Do these humourless drones really believe this boozy teenager is a viable threat to their increasing unpopular president?

I doubt Barry ordered this himself but the fact that he did not step in to stop such a gross over-reaction tells us much about him. What sort of complete smeg-head do you have to be to punish anyone in this manner for voicing disapproval of your actions, colourful though the language might have been.

In response to this ridiculous over-reaction I aim the following remarks at Mr Obama personally not the office he currently occupies.

To use American parlance, Mr Obama, you sir are a chicken-shit and Luke was correct you are a prick too.

Will this get me banned from the US. If it does, who cares, in a couple of years Barry will be gone and I'll write a nice letter to President Palin asking to be unbanned.

It's not like I want to burn it

Good afternoon dear reader, I need your advice.

Some time ago I obtained a copy of the Koran audio book in MP3 format. I usually play my audio books on my Blackberry, it's very handy for this and you don't need to use headphones.

I have now listened to as much of the koran as I wish to and need to make space on my Blackberry for my next book, Salman Rushdie's Satanic Vurses. What is worrying me is what Will happen if I just delete the audio koran and some swivel-eyed, beardy, peaceful person finds out what I have done.

Will there be riots in Northern Crapystan? will I be burnt in effigy across the peaceful islamic world? Will Obameses denounce me? Will I be Fatwa'd?

All advice gratefully received.