Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
American Jihad
Five US men convicted of Pakistan 'terror plot'. Screams the BBC News website headline above this picture.
Mind you they also keep telling us that this blokes name is Barack Obama and that he is a natural born American.
Mind you they also keep telling us that this blokes name is Barack Obama and that he is a natural born American.
Pass the Mind Bleach
Westminster was abuzz yesterday following the news that Dianne Abbot is to withdraw from the labour leadership contest following speculation about the circumstances which lead to the recent announcement of her current pregnancy.
Questioned about the incident Ms. Abbott stated "We are living in the 21st century. Women have the right to take the initiative when it comes to getting themselves pregnant. If David couldn’t see what was going on that’s hardly my fault. It’s not like we did it in the street and we aren’t the first couple to have sex in that broom closet.”
She went on - "I felt that it was important for me to be pregnant during the leadership campaign in order that I could better empathise with other pregnant members of the party in the lead up to the vote. This was not just some cheap publicity stunt like Cameron’s during the general election."
Former Home Secretary, with previous for diddling where he shouldn't, David Blunkett remains somewhat tight lipped about the affair. In his only statement on the matter to date he said "Look, I was having a quiet drink in the commons bar when a woman sat down next to me and started whispering suggestively in my ear. I thought it was the lovely Baroness Ashton. If I had realised it was that ugly blob Abbott I would have run a mile. She told me she was taking me for a walk on the terrace, the next thing I know I have a face full of wet mop and strange hands inside my trousers. She trapped me. The fact that it was Abbott not the Baroness does explain why the whole thing left me feeling like a bloke who had just driven a Mini through the Mersey Tunnel."
He refused to comment on what role he might take in the child's upbringing.
Senior members of the labour party are keeping quiet about the incident with one or two notable exceptions. Harriet Harmman said "I sympathise completely with Diane over her terrible ordeal. That Blunkett always had an eye for the ladies. I have long suspected he was a closet rapist." She went on "Had Mr. Blunkett made a white man pregnant there would not have been this fuss."
Baroness Ashton has admitted to being flattered by Mr. Blunkett's words she said "It takes a man of David's vision to see my true worth."
Questioned about the incident Ms. Abbott stated "We are living in the 21st century. Women have the right to take the initiative when it comes to getting themselves pregnant. If David couldn’t see what was going on that’s hardly my fault. It’s not like we did it in the street and we aren’t the first couple to have sex in that broom closet.”
She went on - "I felt that it was important for me to be pregnant during the leadership campaign in order that I could better empathise with other pregnant members of the party in the lead up to the vote. This was not just some cheap publicity stunt like Cameron’s during the general election."
Former Home Secretary, with previous for diddling where he shouldn't, David Blunkett remains somewhat tight lipped about the affair. In his only statement on the matter to date he said "Look, I was having a quiet drink in the commons bar when a woman sat down next to me and started whispering suggestively in my ear. I thought it was the lovely Baroness Ashton. If I had realised it was that ugly blob Abbott I would have run a mile. She told me she was taking me for a walk on the terrace, the next thing I know I have a face full of wet mop and strange hands inside my trousers. She trapped me. The fact that it was Abbott not the Baroness does explain why the whole thing left me feeling like a bloke who had just driven a Mini through the Mersey Tunnel."
He refused to comment on what role he might take in the child's upbringing.
Senior members of the labour party are keeping quiet about the incident with one or two notable exceptions. Harriet Harmman said "I sympathise completely with Diane over her terrible ordeal. That Blunkett always had an eye for the ladies. I have long suspected he was a closet rapist." She went on "Had Mr. Blunkett made a white man pregnant there would not have been this fuss."
Baroness Ashton has admitted to being flattered by Mr. Blunkett's words she said "It takes a man of David's vision to see my true worth."
Monday, June 21, 2010
New Jersey comes to Blackburn
Blackburn Council's Environmental Services Department was raided by the Serious Crime Squad yesterday and several members of Recycling Team were arrested. The raid follows complaints from business men in the area about strong-arm tactics being used by the councils recycling team to pursued them to use the councils very expensive recycling scheme rather than cheaper more environmentally friendly schemes.
Those arrested include Mr Peter Paul Gualtieri (aka Paulie Walnuts) recycling scheme enforcer, Silvio Dante the recycling teams consigliere , Mr Christopher Moltisanti the recycling team organiser and Mr Tony "T" Soprano the recycling scheme manager.
All four of those arrested have been charged with demanding money with menaces and fly tipping.
A spokesrat for the council said "This comes as a complete surprise to the council. Mr Soprano's team were well known within the council and commanded a lot of respect from everyone. We appreciate that there have been some rumours about Mr Soprano's methods but he certainly got results and we believe the recent allegations of broken legs, beatings and shootings was exaggeration. Mr Soprano was always able to produce evidence that he and his team were elsewhere at the time of the alleged incidents.
Those arrested include Mr Peter Paul Gualtieri (aka Paulie Walnuts) recycling scheme enforcer, Silvio Dante the recycling teams consigliere , Mr Christopher Moltisanti the recycling team organiser and Mr Tony "T" Soprano the recycling scheme manager.
All four of those arrested have been charged with demanding money with menaces and fly tipping.
A spokesrat for the council said "This comes as a complete surprise to the council. Mr Soprano's team were well known within the council and commanded a lot of respect from everyone. We appreciate that there have been some rumours about Mr Soprano's methods but he certainly got results and we believe the recent allegations of broken legs, beatings and shootings was exaggeration. Mr Soprano was always able to produce evidence that he and his team were elsewhere at the time of the alleged incidents.
Paint it White
Peruvian inventor, con-man and warmist nut job Eduardo Gold is attempting to persuade Andean glaciers to start reappearing by painting the Andes white.
Interviewed by our South American corespondent Mr Gold said. "The glaciers migrated to the Antarctic when the temperatures in the Andes rose above those needed for breeding glaciers to procreate. We are hoping that by painting the mountains white we can encourage the glaciers to return."
Pressed on why the painting the mountains would bring back the glaciers Mr Gold replied "Glaciers are very choosy about where they live. By painting the mountains we believe that they will look more like the Antarctic and so be more appealing to migrating glaciers. With luck and enough paint we believe we can attract at least one breeding pair to settle in the Andes."
Asked how he secured $200,000 from the World Bank to undertake such a stupid project he replied "It wasn't easy, we spent years studying the Peruvian Andes from which we produced a 3000 page report which we submitted to the World Bank who obviously saw the merit in our case."
When our reporter pointed out that the 3000 page report contains no information but is merely an endless repetition of the single sentence "Global Warming scared our glaciers away, help help, send money". Mr Gold signaled the end of the interview by running to his brand new Lamborghini Mercielago and driving away.
I really wish I could say I had made this one up.
Surely it is only a matter of time until THIS actually happens.
Interviewed by our South American corespondent Mr Gold said. "The glaciers migrated to the Antarctic when the temperatures in the Andes rose above those needed for breeding glaciers to procreate. We are hoping that by painting the mountains white we can encourage the glaciers to return."
Pressed on why the painting the mountains would bring back the glaciers Mr Gold replied "Glaciers are very choosy about where they live. By painting the mountains we believe that they will look more like the Antarctic and so be more appealing to migrating glaciers. With luck and enough paint we believe we can attract at least one breeding pair to settle in the Andes."
Asked how he secured $200,000 from the World Bank to undertake such a stupid project he replied "It wasn't easy, we spent years studying the Peruvian Andes from which we produced a 3000 page report which we submitted to the World Bank who obviously saw the merit in our case."
When our reporter pointed out that the 3000 page report contains no information but is merely an endless repetition of the single sentence "Global Warming scared our glaciers away, help help, send money". Mr Gold signaled the end of the interview by running to his brand new Lamborghini Mercielago and driving away.
I really wish I could say I had made this one up.
Surely it is only a matter of time until THIS actually happens.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Charley Chicken
Do you ever wonder why we English are so contemptuous of the French?
We all know they are lazy, rude, can't fight, don't wash, eat an awful lot of stuff that should really be given to the dog and they brought us the common agricultural policy. But in my opinion we continue to be contemptuous of them because they keep giving us reasons to be.
Here is the latest. A short arsed old perv with trophy bint in tow visiting London to celebrate a brave French leader who ran away in 1940 and spent WWII hiding in a cellar in London.
You can see why he is such a hero to the French and why the BBC are constantly playing excerpts from one of his famous "run away the Germans are coming" speeches.
I didn't realise there was a statue of de Gaulle in London. Well next time I'm visiting that London and need a pee...........
We all know they are lazy, rude, can't fight, don't wash, eat an awful lot of stuff that should really be given to the dog and they brought us the common agricultural policy. But in my opinion we continue to be contemptuous of them because they keep giving us reasons to be.
Here is the latest. A short arsed old perv with trophy bint in tow visiting London to celebrate a brave French leader who ran away in 1940 and spent WWII hiding in a cellar in London.
You can see why he is such a hero to the French and why the BBC are constantly playing excerpts from one of his famous "run away the Germans are coming" speeches.
I didn't realise there was a statue of de Gaulle in London. Well next time I'm visiting that London and need a pee...........
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