Affliction

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Tinkerbell to the Rescue

I think everybody should stop criticising the Huhne slime and give him a chance.

I have uncovered evidence (see below) that he has a backup strategy in case his plan to build sixty million windmills to supply our energy needs doesn't work.

Soft Stat Porn

53% of visitors to this world famous blog of mine use Firefox. 31% use IE.

This is good.

This is what the rest of the net does

D-Rex, sticking it to the man, but good doood.

800 My Arse

Yo Pauly

Yo Pauly

I just dealt with that bit of business we discussed over drinks last night. Conflicting pathology reports dontcha know. Thank god we got the body to Freddy before a proper pathologist got a look at it. Freddy muddied the water nicely. We can always rely on him to produce a result we like. He has the added bonus that if anyone queries his work we play the race card, that always scares the crap out of them.

It looks like Freddy is having some problems with the GMC, I suspected that it was only a matter of time. I'll give Niall over at GMC a call and see if I can't get him to cut Freddy some slack. We can rely on the BBC to divert public suspicion away from him for a while, he ticks lots of their boxes. I wouldn't want to loose old reliable Fred just to save your man.

The dead blokes family could be a problem but the usual procedure should work. Give it a couple of weeks and then have your chaps arrest a couple of them for something racist, hate speech, looking at a muslim in a funny way, you know the drill. By the time your PR bods and the beeb have finished with them they can be written off as racists and we are home free.

As discussed last night I went the extra mile and cleared you bloke of everything so you owe me one, a big one and I'm not talking about those speeding tickets which you made disappear last month.

See you for golf next week.

Keir.

Your 'avin' a larf moi lovely

Rumours have been rife at the Department of Energy and Climate Scammery recently that Chris Huhne was about to announce details of a major new recruitment to the Department. It was well known that Mr. Huhne had been looking for an industry "big name" to head up the Windmill Development wing of his department but as no announcement has been forthcoming it is assumed that Mr. Huhne failed to get his chosen candidate on board.

Via one of my many contacts within the Cleggeron Collective I have discovered that the elusive "big name" was in fact Windy Miller, well known mill operator and cider drinker, currently running Colly's Mill in Camberwick Green. Your correspondent approached Mr Miller this morning regarding his aborted recruitment to government.

Asked why he had turned down Mr Huhne's offer Mr Miller replied "Your 'avin' a larf moi lovely. A down to earth bloke like me workin' for a bloody fantasist like Huhne, that'll be the day"

When asked how he could refuse his country's call in its hour of need he responded "Look the last thing the country needs is more bloody windmills. It's only them trendy pillocks in that London and them inbred idiots in Norfolk what thinks windmills is good for anything these days. What you need for electric is power stations, any fool knows that. If windmills was good for electric why'd they invent power stations then?"

He went on "Sides which if'n I went to work for that Huhne I'd never here the end of it from those bastards over at Trumpton fire station. He'm shoulda asked one of them, they'da gone for it in a shot, silly buggers. Pugh, Pugh, Barny McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grub, firemen my arse. They'm just a bunch of poofs what like dressin, up and poncin' about the place."

When contacted by your correspondent Captain Flack of Trumpton Fire Brigade stated that he had not been contacted by Mr Huhne but said Lord Mandelson had been in touch to arrange a hose handling demonstration.

Windmill 1 Hamsters 4

The Olympic Delivery Authority announced today that it has solved the problem of providing green electricity for the London Olympics of 2012. The Authority suffered a set-back recently when their plans to build a windmill were thrown out as unfeasible. This was originally claimed to be the result of new regulations on the construction of windmills. However there has been much speculation that the local community had objected to having an ugly great windmill anywhere near where they live. A spokesman for the residents said recently "These ugly great things belong in the countryside not in my back yard."

Instead of a windmill the Authority is putting it faith in hamsters. The idea is that 4 particularly active hamsters will be placed in 4 specially designed exercise wheels fitted with dynamos. The hamsters will run in these wheels and generate electricity. Doubts have been raised as to whether the hamsters will provide sufficient power. However an independent expert in power generation has concluded that 4 Hamsters will generate considerably more power that the proposed windmill, or indeed any windmill producing power in the UK today.

The RSPCA initially raised issues over the welfare of the hamsters but when it was pointed out that the Olympic Delivery Authority is covered by Crown Immunity a spokesman for the RSPCA said "If we don't get to take somebody to court we aren't interested." Pressed on the potential mistreatment of the hamsters she said "Bugger the hamsters, we just got a report of a bloke in Hounslow saying nasty things to a cat, easy prosecution, I'm off."

The Cars from Hell go Ting-a-ling-aling

The stunning new Prius unveiled at the 2010 Milan Motor Show (styling by Apple)

What is it with Prius drivers? They seem to get very upset when I point at them and laugh. One took extreme um-bridge when I called him a warmist twit at a filling station last week. I guess it's another case of warmists double standards. It's OK for them to make their warmist statement by buying one of these jokes on wheels but as a denier I do not have the right, in their eyes, to rebut their statement. Well they better get used to it.

Anyway that brings me onto electric cars, not the exiting Scalextric kind but the ridiculous, inefficient toys which the green meanies think we should all drive in future. I saw this on the Sun website. Nevertheless I will choose to believe that it is true for now. Interesting that they refer to these as ring tones. Very appropriate as the battery life of these kiddycars is about the same as that of a mobile phone.

That said, if and when the sad day comes and I am forced, at gun point, to trade in my excellent diesel powered ride for one of these ridiculous mobile batteries I will insist on having separate "ring tones" for town and country driving. When driving in the countryside I would want it to make a noise like a wounded sheep, so that the sound matches the performance. I should be fine providing I stay clear of Wales. When driving in town I want my "ring tone" to be the beep beep beep noise made by pelican crossings to tell blind folk that it is safe to cross the road.

Chorley and the Fly Factory

I don't suppose this is anything to do with the Chorley Council's fortnightly household waste collections.

8 The Gay Whinge Fest

If you don't know what Mormons are google them, if you don't know what gays are google them, if you don't know what the 2008 California Proposition 8 was read here.

8 The Mormon Proposition is a gay, lefty whinge fest in which the gay lobby bemoans the way Christian churches in the US ganged together to defeat them on this proposition. It is a very one sided film with absolutely no balance, it could have been made by the BBC. It is however hilarious to see the gays complaining about the church's tactics. Tactics which have been employed by the gays and the political left so many times on both sides of the Atlantic.

There are also many examples of the lefty belief that they have a right to their own opinions but anyone who disagrees is wrong and should not be allowed an opinion.

It is obvious from the film that the Mormon church has really upset the gays on this and the venal hatred is unrelenting throughout. The section of the film in which they discuss the methods employed by the Mormon church to "fix" gays is hilarious, but maybe that is just my sense of humour.

I have not seen so many "men" in tears since I attended the 2009 World Onion Peeling Championships.

I would rate this "film" - Complete Crap.

The Idiot Formally Known as..........

Oi!! big ears, you wouldn't know real science from a hole in the ground you over-privileged, plant conversing, homeopathic, granny grabbing chimp.

I know the warmists are pretty desperate for support at the moment but I doubt even they are desperate enough to want you on their side. Then again as most of them have the intellect of a vegetable you'd have lots of new friends to talk to.

Just leave this one alone and go back to touting you overpriced organic Duchy Originals biscuits to the insufferable snobs who buy that crap.

I used to think that your mum was a bit mean not stepping down and letting you have a go a being king. The older you get the more astute her lack of abdication becomes.

If I were you I'd be using some real science to find out if the ginger kid was really mine.

Octopussy

Following Paul the Octopus's performance picking the winners of football matches we at Deniersaurs-Rex decided to get his opinons on some more important matters.

1. Which group is correct about AGW

2. Who knows more about the effect of Co2 emmissions?

3. Which is funnier?


4. Which poses the greater threat to mankind?

In Hiding

While I'm on the subject of hiding.

I understand that Raoul Mote has been offered a consultancy post with the CRU. It seems they want his expertise to help them HIDE THE DECLINE.

Olly Olly Oxen Free

The acting Chief Constable of Northumbria police, Sue Simm, has anounced in the last hour that she has called off the search for Raoul Moat. Speaking to a hastily convened press conference she said "I have decided that enough is enough, we are no closer to finding Mr Moat than we were 6 days ago. I believe Mr Moat should now be declared the winner of the Northumbria Annual hide and seek contest."

Police are now travelling the area in patrol cars announcing "Olly olly oxen free" over their PA systems.

Commenting on why the police had put up such a bad show in this years contest she said "We got off to a bad start, the rules state that we had to turn our backs and count to 1000 while Mr Moat went to hide. It was only when we had counted to 158 that we realised that there was nobody in our force who cold count to 1000. It then took us 2 days to locate an officer with the requisite skills and arrange his secondment from a southern force."

Asked to comment on allegations made by Mr. Moat that the Northumbria force had cheated by bringing in thousands of officers from other forces as well as the army, she said "I find Mr Moat's allegations of cheating to be very offensive. I think that it is Mr. Moat who is the cheat. You should remember that he didn't just hide and wait for us to find him. On the contrary he kept changing hiding places which isn't against the rules, as such, but shows a less than sporting attitude."

After the press conference the senior officers of the Northumbria force were challenged by your correspondent to find their own arses with both hands for a reward of £20. Ms. Simm came closest but only managed to locate one buttock before breaking down in tears when a passer by commented that her arse looked big in her uniform.

Not Getting The Wind Up

I'm a bit late posting on this hilarious story in the Telegraph but what ya gonna do?

So, a formally windy Scottish island where these days there isn't enough wind to ruffle a kilt. That'll be the climate change kicking in then. I'd have thought the warmists would've seen it coming.

Will The Real Gus Hedges Please Stand Up

Gus Hedges

The Solicitor General, Mr. Edward Garnier was arrested today following allegations that he is not in fact a solicitor or indeed Mr. Edward Garnier.

The Metropolitan “police” pounced following the publication of Mr. Garnier’s photograph in the Daily Mail.

A Met spokesman said “Following a complaint from a member of the public regarding the true identity of Mr. Garnier we have run DNA tests and can now prove conclusively that he is in fact Mr. Gus Hedges, former Chief Executive of Globelink News.

In a statement to the press Sir Roysten Merchant, former owner of Globelink, said “Gus always was an obnoxious little shit. I'm sure he feels very much at home amongst the troughing politicians of Westminster."

Edward Garnier